


past is prologue

by hariboo



Category: Chuck (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-31
Updated: 2012-01-31
Packaged: 2017-10-31 09:37:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/342551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hariboo/pseuds/hariboo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>her thumb still rubs at her ring finger like it's looking for something. post finale.</p>
            </blockquote>





	past is prologue

She takes off the rings. She's been wearing them because they've never actually been off her fingers. She doesn't even think about them as she moves. She doesn't feel their weight. Her hand has adapted to the extra weight when throwing knives.

It's because her hands are used to them she takes them off.

They clink against the marble desk top of the hotel room.

Her fingers flex. Her hand now feels lighter yet there's a phantom weight that presses on the now naked finger. Her hand feels lighter but as she reaches to the knife tucked into her boot the weight feels different. She spins the short knife across her fingers making it dance on her knuckles and almost drops it. Sarah swallows. Her muscle memory has learned to compensate for the extra weight, for the flip _under_ not _over_ so she imagines she wouldn't nick the rings.

Determined, she does again and again and again. Until it feel familiar. Until it's over not under. Over not under, over not under, but when she throws the knife it misses her mark by an inch. Licking her lips, Sarah rubs her thumb across the now naked finger and misses for that first second of contact the feel of the warm polished metal.

Sarah walks over to the wall and pulls the knife out of the wallpaper, sticks it back in her boot. The paper holds unfurls a little where it's ripped.

Her thumb still rubs at her ring finger like it's looking for something.

Sarah has to leave the room.

 

\--

 

After the beach Chuck drives her to the hotel room. It's the last familiar home she knows even when she could hear it in his voice that when he asked "Where to?" he had hoped for she said his apartment -- their apartment too, apparently -- but she's not ready for that.

There was no magical memory kiss. But there was something. His lips knew hers and his fingers brushed her jaw like it was home.

Maybe in that moment it was, but it's not enough. Not yet.

What she lets herself think as Chuck drives away is:

Her lips knew his too.

She brushes her hair back away from her face and sighs. The metal from her rings smooths across her cheeks.

Sarah stares at her hand. Doesn't understand how unfamiliar something can look and yet feel right, like it belongs.

 

\--

 

She takes off the rings.

 

\--

 

She doesn't know when she picked up the habit. She can't remember when she picked up the habit, but now every second she's alone, waiting, thinking, her hands twine together and her fingers move.

They spin her rings around her finger. The feel of the metal and diamond under the pads of her fingers, brushing against her skin, is comforting and real. When she catches herself doing this, she makes her self stop.

 

\--

 

She takes off the rings.

 

\--

 

Chuck picks her up at the hotel. She grins and blinks -- there was time with a flower -- the thought passes through her head and then it's gone. They go have Chinese, sizzling shrimp, which makes her smile for some reason. His eyes follow her fingers when she starts playing with the chopsticks -- how she snaps them, spins them, and clicks them together -- and when a bit of noodle sticks to her lips he smiles. He tells her of her plans for Carmichael Industries since she's decides to stick around for a while longer and she needs a job. Of doing some off book hacking for Beckman. How Ellie and Devon are settling in and the tantric music he can hear from Morgan and Alex's place.

Sarah sucks a bit of sauce of her fingers, "I thought Morgan's girlfriend's name was Anna."

He stutters in mid sentence and she can see by how his eyes widen then soften and how his throat works that she just said something from _before_. He's not that good at hiding his reactions when this happens but he doesn't push.

She's grateful. It's easier when he doesn't push.

"Old girlfriend; lives in Hawaii now. Funny story, actually," he says.

"Tell me," she says.

"Okay, well, Morgan..."

He tells her all the stories she asks for. Sometimes she thinks she remembers the smells from these memories he's giving back to her but as always they're incomplete.

As they leave as he's saying something about Casey once having to drive his car through the wall her hand takes a hold of his. They don't notice until she runs her thumb over his wedding ring, like it's habit, in and they stop to look at each other.

Chuck pulls away with a smile and tucks his hand into his pocket.

They walk to her car in silence. Her thumbs runs across her own naked finger.

 

\--

 

She takes off the rings.

 

\--

 

All she remembers is being a spy. It's all she knows.

Then her mother sends her a picture of Molly and her. Together, and Sarah wishes she remembered more. When she calls Chuck demanding an explanation, he rushes over and sits with her on her green chairs and explains what happened. That she killed Ryker. That her mother and sister -- _sister_ oh god _sister_ \-- are safe. That she protected them, like she promised. There's so much that she's lost, she thinks. So much more than she first thought.

She thanks him.

Chuck touches her knee as Sarah wipes her eyes.

The rings glint on the marble counter.

Sarah asks if they can order some pizza. No olives.

 

\--

 

It's been a month.

Chuck has brought some of her clothes back to the hotel. Her goldfish bowl has some sort of action figure at the bottom of it that Chuck explains, but Sarah can only focus on the picture of her and Ellie at what looks to be Ellie's bachelorette party.

Carina calls once and to Sarah's surprise Zondra. When she hangs up with them, after she convince both of them they don't need to come to Burbank, she presses her hand to her chest and chokes back a sob.

They took down the Gentle Hand down together.

She throws a knife against the wall full of hate towards Quinn. Her knife misses the X on the wall by a centimetre. (At least it isn't an inch anymore.)

 

\--

 

She takes off the rings.

 

\--

 

He never kisses her unless she asks him to, but sometimes she can see it in his eyes. Feel it in how he touches her. In how she wants to touch him _more_.

Casey gave her the mission logs. She asks Chuck and General Beckman for the mission reports. She traces her handwriting and waits.

No memories come.

She's not sure if she's relieved or not.

 

\--

 

She takes off the rings.

 

\--

 

They have dinner with Morgan and Alex every once in a while. They talk about work. Carmichael Industries is slowly picking up paying work and Casey's coming back soon. Beckman throws work at them that the government would prefer not to cop to, or that require Chuck's hacking skills, and the rhythm in CASTLE is easy enough. If Sarah starts to get to antsy and feels the need to do something there's always a job waiting. They're not CIA or NSA anymore but they're still the General's team. Something she remembers about Beckman's reputation is that the woman takes care of her people. Sarah's glad that somehow over the course of five years she's become one of these people.

After dinner, Sarah's eyes narrow at how Alex sneaks a kiss to Morgan in the kitchen when they think Chuck and Sarah can't see.

Sarah sees everything.

Chuck tenses across the room.

 

\--

 

He doesn't push and she appreciates it. That's why she pushes him. She pushes him against the passenger door, her hands twisting in his shirt as she presses her lips to his. Chuck breathes, gasps, as his mouth opens under hers and then his hands are everywhere. She feels them at her sides, her back, her shoulder. His hands slip and slide across her body as he lets himself lean back against the car and pull her _closer_ \-- Sarah remembers Berlin, how he pulled her closer then too and how she liked it, the weight of his body under her and she likes it even more now. Her hips fit against his, his belt buckle pressing against her stomach. Sarah leans further into him, knowing his body can take her weight. Knowing his body _has_ taken her weight. -- and groans. Her teeth sink into his bottom lip and she thinks of trains and Chuck's body under hers.

She gasps and pulls away. Licks her lips.

Chuck is breathing heavily.

He's looking at her with an intimacy she doesn't feel is quite hers yet. It's his Sarah's, and she's not that Sarah anymore. Yet. Maybe ever.

"Sarah," he exhales.

"Chuck," she smiles.

"I--I," he starts but then he stops. His hands slide into her hair, pulling her in for another kiss. The metal of his wedding ring brushes against Sarah's cheek. Sarah sighs into the kiss. She lets Chuck flips their bodies so she's against the car. She can feel the cool metal the door at her back and Chuck's solid body against her front. This kiss is slower than hers; Chuck is working with more months -- years, really -- of knowing her lips, but what her mind doesn't remember her body always seems too.

He sucks gently at her top lip as he pulls away. His forehead rests against hers and they're both more than a little breathless.

"I should get you home." Chuck's eyes are closed.

She nods. "Yeah."

 

\--

 

Chuck drives her to the hotel room. It's familiar and she likes it. He smiles at her door and she smiles back. They say goodnight.

Closing the door, Sarah leans against the door. Feels the thud against the wood as Chuck does the same on the other side.

Sarah waits and listens until she hears Chuck move away.

Her thumb is rubbing against her ring finger like it's missing something.

Across the room the rings glint.

Sarah walks over to the marble counter.

 

\--

 

She takes off the rings each morning because she puts them back on every night, letting her fingers twist the cool metal around her finger, like an old habit she doesn't remember picking up.


End file.
